


Sharp Tongues and Condoms

by sweetkpopfan



Series: Now That You're One of Us, You Have to Deal With Us [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gangsters, Depictions of Sex, Fluff and Crack, Gangs, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Mafia AU, Romance, Smoking, Swearing, nothing graphic, talking about sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-28
Updated: 2018-03-28
Packaged: 2019-04-14 02:31:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14126178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetkpopfan/pseuds/sweetkpopfan
Summary: Doyoung goes to Donghyuck for advice. Mark makes a stupid mistake by asking his gang members if they have any condoms.





	Sharp Tongues and Condoms

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [One of Us](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13774950) by [sweetkpopfan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetkpopfan/pseuds/sweetkpopfan). 



> I just couldn't drop this au, this is too much fun to write about!!! Who knows, I think I might keep updating this series!
> 
> For those of you who are new, I would highly recommend you guys check out my fic One of Us before you read this as this is a spin-off one shot from that fic.

                 The last thing Donghyuck expected was for Doyoung to visit him. He had a semi heart attack when Doyoung messaged him out of nowhere (he had gotten his number from Mark of course), asking to see him.

                “Thanks for making time to see me.”

                “No problem.” Donghyuck said, welcoming the negotiator into his apartment. Doyoung was dressed sharply in a blazer, plain T-shirt and jeans. Doyoung actually has a regular job as partner of his own law firm, but in recent years his moonlighting as Taeyong’s go-to negotiator has kept him away from his job. Nobody questions him about it, because if they did, Doyoung would kill them (most of the time, if they were really annoying).

                “What’s all this about?” Donghyuck asked.

                “You’re like me right?” Doyoung said. “We both have sharp tongues, we get a kick out of insulting people…”

                “Not to mention handsome.”

                “Of course.” Doyoung scoffed, accepting a drink from Donghyuck and clinking their glasses. “I need help my young friend. It is a problem of a most delicate nature. Something only someone like you can truly understand.”

                “What is it?” Donghyuck asked, leaning forward intently.

                “How do I ask Jaehyun out and insult him at the same time?”

********************

                “Loser of this round goes on the next assassination mission with Lucas and Jungwoo.”

                “Bullshit.” Ten groaned, waiting for Sicheng to distribute the poker cards evenly. “I hate going on missions with them.”

                “I need to win this one.” Yuta said, snuffing out his cigarette and pulling his cards into his hand. “The last mission I was on with them it was a disaster.”

                “No it wasn’t.” Johnny said. “I thought you guys completed the mission.”

                “Have you tried sleeping in the room next to theirs?” Yuta rolled his eyes. “Those two fuck like wolves on a mating cycle.”

                “Except they never stop.” Ten said.

                “What do you expect?” Sicheng said. “They are a young, horny couple with a lot of sex drive and an affinity for dicks. If they don’t take it out on each other, who else are they going to take it out on?”

                “Yeah but you would think they would have the decency to keep their sex lives private.” Ten shook his head.

                “This is coming from the gang slut?” Yuta cackled loudly. “You have slept with almost everyone in this gang. Me, Sicheng, Johnny, Taeyong, Kun…”

                “Yes but do I make it obvious?”

                “You don’t have to. The way you walk gives it away.” Johnny smirked and everyone at the table roared with laughter. Ten didn’t deny it, but he did put on a pout.

                “Hey guys.” Mark greeted as he entered the lounge, dumping his bag on the table.

                “Finished your run?” Johnny asked, focused on the game.

                “Yep.” Mark pulled out a thick wad of cash from his pocket. Sicheng smiled at the size of the wad. He had been at this long enough to be able to estimate the amount of money in a wad just by looking at it. Judging from the wad in his hand, it was easily 10,000 USD. In cash.

                “Here you go hyung.” Mark handed the money to Sicheng. Sicheng flipped the bills with his thumb.

                “Good job. You’ve got another run tomorrow.”

                “I know. I’ll do it after school.” Mark stuffed his hands in his pocket, rocking his heels. He looked at his members for a while, biting the inside of his bottom lip as he pondered about something.

                “Need something?” Ten asked, focused on the card game at hand.

                “I just…nah it’s fine.”

                “What is it?”

                “Yeah you can tell us.” Yuta said, putting down a card. “We got your back.”

                “I just…well…” Mark squeezed his eyes shut, thinking hard. “I just wanted to ask, do you guys have any condoms?”

                If Mark’s life was a movie, this would be the exact moment where the screen pauses, and the camera zooms in to film dilated eyes, confused expressions and raised eyebrows. Johnny put down his cards.

                “Why?”

                “What…what do you…” Mark asked incredulously. “For safety!”

                “You wouldn’t need them if you didn’t think your dick was going to be an issue.”

                “It’s not! It’s just…do you guys have them or not?”

                “Of course we do. We just need to know why before we give them away. Condoms ain’t cheap you know.”

                “Mark, are you sexually active?” Ten asked.

                “Does it matter if I am?”

                “SO YOU ARE?!?!” By this time, no one was playing cards anymore and they were just staring at Mark intently.

                “Oh shit.” Mark buried his head in his hands. “I knew I shouldn’t have asked you guys.”

                “Look, it’s a yes or no question. Are you having sex or not?”

                “No, okay?” Mark sighed. “I just want some in case I want to have sex.”

                “Have you talked to Donghyuck about it?” Sicheng asked.

                “Well no but…”

                “Sit down kid.” Johnny ordered.

                “Hyung I…” Mark whined. He knew exactly where this was going and he was trying his best to avoid it.

                “Sit. Down.” Johnny pointed at a chair, his voice stiff and cold. “We will deal with you later.”

                Mark knew better than to defy Johnny. He sat down quietly and huffed as his hyungs focused on the game, trying their best to finish it off. He could run away now, but Johnny’s gun was still in it’s holster at his waist, and he wasn’t stupid enough to test Johnny’s marksmanship.

********************

                “Wow.” Donghyuck sat down on his couch after Doyoung’s revelation. “The sky is falling. I thought you weren’t interested in him?”

                “Are you kidding me? I am thirsting so hard for him that all he has to do is snap his fingers and I would drop to my knees instantly.” Doyoung sighed. “I thought you knew that.”

                _Oh._ Donghyuck shrugged. Somehow, he could relate to that. Considering how many insults he threw at Mark while simultaneously wishing he could take his clothes off, Donghyuck realized he wasn’t in any position to judge him.

                “There’s an annual dinner at my firm and I would love to bring him, because it would make Lisa so jealous.” Doyoung rubbed his hands. “ _I’ve got a brand new Ferrari. My boyfriend took me to Spain for a holiday. Check out my new Ferragamo._ Bitch.”

                “So you’re asking him because you like him and you want to make her jealous.”

                “Killing two birds with one stone. Keep up kid.” Doyoung waved his arms, as if he was in a huge rush. The doorbell rang out of nowhere and Donghyuck went to answer it.

                “Sup.”

                “Jeno? What are you doing here?”

                “Just thought I’d drop by. Renjun has a club meeting and Jaemin’s off visiting his grandmother.”

                “Oh well, come on in.” Donghyuck said. “This is Doyoung. He’s a friend of Mark’s.”

                “Nice to meet you.” Jeno shook his hand. “Are you waiting for Mark?”

                “No actually I came to see him.” Doyoung pointed to Donghyuck.

                “Well don’t mind me. I’m just here for food.”

                “Since when are you not here for food?” Donghyuck rolled his eyes. “So back to Jaehyun, has he been acting any differently from usual?”

                “Not really. He has been slightly busier. Taeyong asked him to make a couple of runs to Daniel.”

                “Who’s Daniel?”

                “You do not want to know.”

                “Okay fine.” Donghyuck paced around, rubbing his chin. “Hmm, this is complicated.”

                “You don’t have experience with this?”

                “Usually I just insult them until they kiss me to shut me up.” Donghyuck shrugged. “Have you tried that?”

                “Multiple times.” Doyoung groaned. “But he’s never taken that step! He just keeps up with the banter until either one of us gets sick of it.”

                “You could just tell him nonchalantly, like ‘bro, remember that thing you owe me for? Well if you come with me to the dinner I’ll cancel that debt’.”

                “But he doesn’t owe me anything.”

                “You can make one!! Maybe get him to accidentally spill milk on you, or you can bail him out of a messy situation, or…”

                “I’m sorry.” Jeno raised his hand, holding a chicken drumstick with the other. “I know it’s not my place to say anything, but if you want my opinion…”

                “No we don’t.”

                “Shut up Hyuck.” Jeno shushed him. “You could just, and I know this sounds crazy, ask him like a normal person?”

                There was a quiet silence before Doyoung and Donghyuck did start laughing at him like he was crazy. Jeno shook his head in disbelief, sticking the chicken back into his mouth.

                “I don’t know how that is supposed to be funny. I’ve got a boyfriend before any one of you.”

                “No offence Jeno, but you don’t understand us. We can’t just go up and say that.” Donghyuck half-laughed half-cried, wiping tears from his eyes.

                “Yeah,” Doyoung wheezed loudly. “It would just be too embarrassing.”

                “So it’s easier to put on a ruse and insult the guy into dating you than asking him straight up?”

                “Yeah.” The two of them chorused.

                “I need more chicken.” Jeno sighed, shaking his head and walking back to the kitchen.

********************

                “Wanna hear a funny story?” Ten giggled, sneaking his arms around Taeyong’s naked waist and tucking his chin on his shoulder.

                “What story?” Taeyong asked, washing his hands in the bathroom sink. Pretty pink and purple spots decorated his shoulders and chest, marks that resemble the ones on Ten’s back.

                “Jaehyun and Doyoung are going out on a date tonight.”

                “No fucking way.” Taeyong gasped, drying his hands while Ten kept his vice-like grip on the gang leader. “How did that happen?”

                “Jaehyun got himself arrested yesterday for fighting in the streets. Doyoung bailed him out and he said that Jaehyun owes him now, so he asked him to come with him to that lame annual dinner he was talking about.”

                “Just like that?” Taeyong chuckled. “I’m surprised Doyoung even wanted to go to the dinner, much less bring someone.”

                “What are my two boys doing in the bathroom without me?” Johnny’s deep voice came from their bedroom (technically Taeyong’s bedroom), where the second-in-command was lounging on the bed in his boxers, arm muscles flexed as he reached for a cigarette next to the bed. He lit a cigarette and grinned at them. “Come back to daddy.”

                Ten and Taeyong went back to the bed. Taeyong pulled the cigarette from Johnny’s lips and took a puff from it. Ten helped Johnny light a new one and lit one for himself too, pulling the covers over his naked bottom half.

                “Are those two going to fuck?” Taeyong asked, blowing a puff of smoke into the air.

                “It won’t be long until they do.” Ten answered.

                “Who are we talking about?” Johnny asked, letting Ten rest his head on his chest and his free hand reaching to hold Taeyong’s.

                “Jaehyun and Doyoung.”  

                “Oh they are definitely going to fuck.” Johnny grinned. “I know Jaehyun. He can’t keep it in his pants very well.”

                “You know who else is apparently preparing for not keeping it in his pants?” Ten giggled again. “Mark.”

                “What about Mark?”

                “He asked us for condoms the other day.” Johnny said.

                “Oh god.” Taeyong groaned. “What did you guys do?”

                “Why are you assuming we did anything to him?” Ten asked.

                “Don’t lie to your leader, okay?” Taeyong usually enjoyed being submissive ‘off work hours’ but it took months of getting to know him to decide whether he was ‘off’ or ‘on’ work mode. By now, most of Taeyong’s gang members have figured it out, but the transition between the modes always caught them off-guard. “I know you guys too well. Lucky you fuck better than you lie.”

                Johnny laughed lazily. “We just showed him the ropes.”

                “We showed him how to put a condom on a banana.”

                “Don’t they teach that in school?”

                “Yeah but Ten taught him how to put it on with his mouth.” Taeyong dropped his jaw and nearly the cigarette too.

                “You stuffed a banana into-holy shit.” Taeyong groaned. “You scarred that kid.”

                “Hey, schools teach you useless stuff like how to do maths and figure out which atom goes with what.” Ten defended himself. “But putting on a condom, even with your mouth, is a very valuable skill.”

                “If he’s going to have sex he better learn to do it well.”

                “Looks like I’ll have to talk to him.” Taeyong sighed.

                “But we talked to him.” Johnny said.

                “I know.”

                Ten just giggled again, taking another drag out of his cigarette. “You should have seen the kid’s face when we told him about the different brands of lube. So adorable.”

                “For a guy who doesn’t like ketchup he sure does a good impression of one.” Johnny laughed.

                “It’s cute though, he’s the youngest in the family and now he’s ready for sex.” Taeyong smiled fondly at his cigarette. “I can still remember the first day we bought him in, and he mistook the closet for his room, and he found Sicheng on all fours and Yuta behind him with his pants down.”

                “Oh sweet memories.” Johnny sighed.

                The three men laid on Taeyong’s bed, enjoying the peace and quiet of the night. After a couple of minutes, Johnny said “There’s something wrong with us isn’t there?”

                “Huh?” Ten responded.

                “We scarred a 12-year-old on his first day, taught him how to deepthroat a banana with a condom in his mouth, play poker to decide who gets to go on a mission with the Fuckrabbit Twins and in return from bailing one of us from jail we’ll gladly put on a penguin suit and kiss-up to stuck-up rich people.”

                “Hey, if we were normal I’d be running a church.” Taeyong shrugged.

                “Yeah, and it’s not like they are any different from what we’re doing.” Ten laughed.

********************

                “Oh Jaehyun!” Lisa laughed, her manicured fingers covering her mouth as she flipped her hair back. “You are so funny.”

 

_SMARTASSBUNNY: I want to choke this bitch so badly._

_HYUCKIEBOI: Calm down, are they flirting?_

_SMARTASSBUNNY: No but she’s counting down the seconds until she can pounce onto his lap._

_HYUCKIEBOI: Didn’t you bring Jaehyun to impress her? Isn’t that what he’s doing?_

_SMARTASSBUNNY: Obviously a bad idea._

                It was true. If Doyoung had known how badly this night would turn out to be he would have saved himself the disappointment and not shown up. It started really well, Jaehyun showed up in the Ferrari (Johnny’s because it was a newer model than Lisa’s and Doyoung had to show her up all the way), dressed in a sharp tuxedo. He wore those long earrings Doyoung loved so much, and he was funny and charming. Almost everyone at the dinner fell in love with him, which is exactly the problem.

                His partner, Lisa had completely ignored Boyfriend No.692, whose name was Seongwoo or Kyungsoo or Dongwoo or whatever, and was now criss-crossing her long legs and continuously flipping her hair over her shoulder like it was a shower curtain. _Like bitch stop doing that or I’ll rip it off your head._

_SMARTASSBUNNY: I need another drink._

_HYUCKIEBOI: Don’t get drunk and lose sight of your man!_

                “Excuse me waiter,” Doyoung said, calling the waiter over and handing his glass over. “Fill this up.”

                “Sir this is your fourth drink.”

                “Every cent that goes into this disgusting toilet water goes into your paycheck so shut up and fill me.” Doyoung spat. His head was a little dizzy but it was nothing he can’t handle.

                “Are you having fun Doyoung?” a colleague sitting next to him named Baekhyun asked.

                “Oh I’m having a blast.” Doyoung lied.

                “You look a little red.” Jaehyun said, turning to Doyoung and focusing his attention on him. “How many glasses have you taken?”

                “Four, five, six. Wasn’t counting.”

                “Doyoung was never a strong drinker.” Lisa said, leaning in closer to Jaehyun. “You know, once he got so drunk at a client dinner he passed out and fell face first into a bowl of soup.”

                “I know, I’ve seen him drink.” Jaehyun said, putting a hand on Doyoung’s leg and squeezing it tightly. Doyoung pouted and shrugged his hand off.

                “You haven’t finished your story!” Lisa cawed, patting Jaehyun’s shoulder. “So what happened next?” Jaehyun chuckled and turned away to finish the story.

                “Sir, I have your…” the innocent waiter carrying Doyoung’s drink got pulled by the collar and nearly spilled the liquid all over Doyoung.

                “Listen, the next time you see this glass empty, you take it and refill it automatically. Get it?”

                “Right sir.” The waiter stammered, breathing a sigh of relief as Doyoung released his grasp on his shirt. Doyoung sipped the toilet water drink and hoped that if he was drunk enough, he would pass out and forget this ever happened.

********************

                “I’m not drunk.” Doyoung insisted.

                “Really?” Jaehyun smirked, holding Doyoung by the waist and his arm hooked on his shoulder as they got out of the car and took the lift to Doyoung’s apartment. “How many fingers am I holding up?”

                “Two?”

                “None. Both my hands are trying to help you walk.”

                Doyoung mumbled something as he tried to focus on the walkway ahead. He wasn’t as drunk as Jaehyun said, but he was tipsy. And hot. Ridiculously hot. In fact, he was almost sweating.

                “I’m hot.” Doyoung mumbled again.

                “I know.”

                “No like, really hot.” Doyoung groaned, reaching for his keys in his pocket to open the door. “Will you help me take my clothes off?”

                “Is that an invitation?” Jaehyun smirked playfully.

                “Fuck you.” Doyoung smiled drunkenly, pushing the door open and stumbling inside. He made his way to his bed and flopped on top of it.

                “I should get going you…”

                “No!” Doyoung grabbed Jaehyun’s arm and yanked him down. “You should stay.” Doyoung had pulled him so close to him that if Jaehyun had moved an inch closer, he would kiss him right then and there. Doyoung fluttered his eyes, wanting to close them and let Jaehyun kiss him.

                It didn’t happen.

                “Do you like Lisa?” he asked.

                “Lisa? Well, she’s okay I guess.”

                “Really?” Doyoung scoffed. “Because she was totally eyeing you. I mean, if she was alone, she would have jumped on your lap and stuck her hand down your pants.”

                “Oh come on.” Jaehyun laughed, like it was the most ridiculous idea in the world.

                “Seriously!” Doyoung said. “You can’t blame her though. Like who wouldn’t want to? I mean, you are so hot, wearing that sleeveless jacket that shows off your muscles and your tattoo. The way you run your hand through your hair…”

                “So you think I’m hot?” Jaehyun teased, raising an eyebrow. Drunk Doyoung was rolling around on the bed making whining sounds like a baby elephant but drunk Doyoung was also super adorable.

                “Why won’t you kiss me?”

                “Wh…what?” Jaehyun asked, taken aback by the boldness of that question.

                “I gave you so many chances.” Doyoung said. “Why didn’t you just shut me up by kissing me?”

                “You would like that?”

                “You mean it wasn’t obvious?”

                Jaehyun laughed at the whole thing. “I wanted our first kiss to be special.”

                “Screw special. I spent nights fantasising about having you in my mouth. Kiss me now.”

                Jaehyun didn’t need to be ordered twice. He wrapped a hand around Doyoung’s skinny waist and pulled him in, kissing him passionately, enough to taste the alcohol in his mouth. Doyoung grabbed Jaehyun’s soft locks, moaning into the kiss and pushing deeper.

                The room was becoming very hot and very uncomfortable. Doyoung popped open his own buttons and hissed slightly at the cold air hitting his skin. His fingers grabbed Jaehyun’s tie and yanked it away. He pulled Jaehyun’s shirt apart, hands reaching his waist and fumbling with his belt.

                “Hey there.” Jaehyun stopped him, grabbing his hands tightly.

                “What?”

                “I’m not going to fuck you tonight.”

                The look of disappointment was utterly evident on Doyoung’s face. “Why?” he whined.

                “Not because I don’t want to, but because you’re drunk.” Jaehyun said. “You can’t give consent, and you won’t remember this. I want to fuck you when you’re sober. I want you to remember every kiss, every pinch, every twist, every thrust I give you.”

                “Shit.” Doyoung cursed. Every single word of that went straight to Doyoung’s little friend. His pants were now the most uncomfortable thing in the room.

                “Remember this feeling babe, if you can.” Jaehyun kissed his naked chest. “When you sober up tomorrow, I’m going to make you feel so god damn good.”

                ********************

                “You wanted to see me sir?” Mark asked, knocking on Taeyong’s office door.

                “I do. Come in.” Taeyong beckoned, letting the young member take a seat across his. “I understand that you asked the guys for condoms.”

                “Yes.”

                “And I can see you regretting that decision.”

                Mark sighed loudly. “I just wanted a stupid rubber package, not a step-by-step instruction manual on how to use it.”

                “With personal demonstration on a banana.” Taeyong nodded sympathetically. Mark’s face turned red with embarrassment at the memory of the ‘tutorial’.

                “Did you even get the condoms?”

                “No.”

                Taeyong opened a drawer and pulled out a box of condoms. He also pulled out a box of lubricants. “Help yourself.”

                “Wow.” Mark gaped. “How did you know…”

                “I run a gang of mostly gay members who also does pornography on the side.” He patted the two boxes. “I learnt.”

                Mark chuckled, grabbing a handful of condoms. He hesitated for a while, but also grabbed a bottle of lube and stuffed it into his pocket. “Thank you so much.”

                “Mark?”

                “Yes?” Mark turned on his way out of the office.

                “You know that if you need anything, sexual or non-sexual, we’re here for you, right?”

                “I know.” Mark nodded, smiling gratefully.

                “I mean we will put you through hell first,” he laughed. “but we got you.”

                “I know.” Mark shuddered at the thought. “I know.”

                ********************

                “Babe?” Mark called from the apartment living room where he was typing out his assignment paper due the day after on his laptop. “Hyuck, where are you?”

                Donghyuck did not answer. He had gotten up from behind his laptop to use the bathroom, but it had been over 15 minutes since he disappeared.

                “Hyuck?” Mark stood up to look for him. He saw his room door wide open, with Donghyuck standing inside, picking up a packet of condoms.

                _Shit._

“Hyuck?”

                “Mark?” Donghyuck asked, still holding the condoms. “What’s this for?”

                “It’s uhm…for future safekeeping.”

                “Is there something about our relationship you’re not telling me about?”

                “Look,” Mark sighed. This was the conversation he was dreading and now he was having it. “I don’t know how you feel but I like you. Like, really like you. You know that, right? And I’m not going to pretend that I don’t have urges in the middle of the night and that I don’t fantasise about you in my bed.”

                Donghyuck blushed shyly as Mark took his hand and kissed the back of it.

                “But I don’t want to do anything you’re not ready to. These condoms are just in case, but we don’t have to do it if you aren’t ready.”

                “That’s so sweet.” Donghyuck kissed Mark gently. “Thank you for saying that, because I don’t know if I am, you know?”

                “It’s okay.” Mark reassured him. “We can take our time.”

                “Though I think you should give one to Doyoung tomorrow when you see him.” Donghyuck grinned, taking one and slipping it into his pocket.

                “Why?”

                “Because he’s like me. And he’ll need it too.” Donghyuck winked and giggled as Mark leaned in to kiss him.

**Author's Note:**

> tell me what you guys think! Would you like more of this au? Let me know in the comments!
> 
> P.S In case you guys didn't pick up from this fic, always have safe and consensual sex guys!! Stay safe XD


End file.
